Are you in the middle of a life re-write? Many of us are standing back, scratching our heads and wondering what we are going to do now that we’ve been laid off, the kids have flown the coop, or we’re just sick and tired of the grind. We want something new in the new year. A new career, direction, or challenge. If that sounds like you, join the ever growing club.
One of the things you need to take into consideration before forging ahead is your appearance. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, pretty people get more breaks than unattractive people. I say fortunately because I believe almost everyone has the ability to be attractive if they make an effort. Oscar Wilde said, “A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.” You just need to figure out the brain-beauty connection.
As American women we are taught to focus (may I say obsess?) on a very narrow definition of beauty that is propagated primarily by the fashion industry and Hollywood.
However, you have all encountered people that at first glance exhibited all the current trends in pleasing appearance, and yet, there was something decidedly unattractive about them. The reverse is true as well. I’ve seen men buzzing around a woman like bees around the hive, while the other women present scratched their heads. They didn’t understand the brain-beauty connection.
What is beauty?
According to Webster’s it is: the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit. Beauty is a complex thing then. It isn’t a single quality, like skinny thighs or big blue eyes. Those of us concerned with our appearance tend to dissect ourselves like a high school, biology project and wonder why the result is carnage.
When I was in my twenties, the company I was working for sent the sales staff (we were all women) to modeling school for a special class in achieving an attractive, professional appearance. It was eye opening for me. The first thing the instructors did was to assess each of us on a variety of attributes. Up to this point, I had always assumed because I didn’t have a perfect nose, my hair lacked body and I had occasional breakouts on my face, I was out of luck when it came to being beautiful.
What I learned was super models and Hollywood actresses have issues too!
The key is to accentuate your advantages and minimize, or change, those less-than-perfect things. I also learned beauty is about the entire package. It is about how you walk, how you talk, how you interact, and maybe most importantly, how you perceive yourself. Makeup, the right clothes and hairstyle don’t hurt your cause any either. In other words you can use your brain to make yourself more beautiful.
I’d like to take a look at the multitude of things that combine to create the impression of beauty.
I say impression because that’s really what it is. There is no objective standard of beauty, despite what the media would have you believe. Yes, there are universal things like the distance between the eyes and the shape of the face, but, again, we’ve all seen people who have perfect facial symmetry we wouldn’t date for any price. Beauty is actually in the brain of the beholder.
The brain is the most complex organ in the human body. It is responsible for muscle control, controlling the other organs of the body, the senses, and in some mysterious way, it is where our mind, our intelligence and our personality reside. Not only does your own brain have great power to make you more beautiful, but the way you effect the senses of those around you is decoded by their brains as “pretty” or “not.”
Let’s start with the most obvious brain-beauty connection.
Use common sense. Women who insist on trying to dramatically alter their appearance, copy their style from an inappropriate role model, or pretend they are from a different generation will look foolish. It’s a strange thing, but sometimes seemingly intelligent women will throw their brains out the window when it comes to their appearance.
Use your intelligence to research and understand what look will work best for you.
If you have an hour glass figure, you can’t dress like a preteen. If you have an athletic build, you may be lost in loose clothing. You can’t keep wearing what you wore in college when you’re in your thirties or forties just because it still fits. I love the show What Not to Wear. If you can’t afford an image consultant, watch Stacy and Clinton and learn from other’s mistakes.
When it comes to hair and makeup, if you’re really in the dark about what to do, get some help from an expert.
It’s not that expensive. In fact, sometimes the makeup counters in department stores have makeup artists who know what they’re doing and they’ll help you for free. The pressure may be on to buy some product, but, hey, we all need product.
Find a really good hairstylist and have them show you a style that works for your face shape. Don’t insist on wearing your hair the way your favorite actress wears hers even though she is petite, has a round, cherubic face, and you are tall and square jawed. If your hair is curly, don’t try to force it straight. If it’s straight, oh well. Embrace your God given attributes and make the most of what you have.
As we age there are many products and services available to help us maintain smoother skin and a more youthful appearance.
Again, do your homework before you purchase. Living in Orange County, California, I see horrific examples of plastic surgery gone awry and aesthetic-services junkies who don’t know when to say when. Neglecting yourself isn’t the answer either. It’s about balance.
Finally, remember foolish women are only attractive to men looking for a good time, then the drunker and dumber they are the better.
Silly women ruin a pleasant visual appearance as soon as they open their mouths. Be thoughtful. Be interesting. Read and stay up on current events. If you can converse intelligently, you will be perceived as more attractive.